ANGER MANAGEMENT
What is anger?
Anger is a natural and potentially productive emotion. It is a warning bell
that tells you something is wrong in a situation and is usually experienced as an unpleasant feeling of displeasure or hostility.
How do I know that I am
angry?
Ask yourself the following questions:
o Do I easily
lose patience with people?
o Do I often
feel that life is unfair to me?
o Do I say
threatening or nasty things when I am angry?
o Do I get
angry enough to hit, throw, or kick things?
o When I really
lose my temper, am I capable of slapping or hitting someone?
If
your answer is yes to most of the questions you may have problems with anger.
What
makes me angry?
To
understand your anger ask yourself Is it really true that he or she makes me angry or am I making
myself angry? Someone said or did something that was unacceptable to me. Perhaps,
it seemed unfair to me. It creates a new problem
for me, or makes it difficult for me to get what I want. Naturally, I
don't like it. It frustrates me. It upsets all my plans. This
may be directly opposite of what I expected from this person. It denies
me what I really wanted. But all the things I mentioned are
"I", "me" and "mine." I made myself angry because
those are my perceptions, my desires, and my expectations, etc.
There is some evidence that
inappropriately expressing anger can be harmful to your health. Whether you're
overly passive and keep your anger pent up, whether you're prone to violent
outbursts, or whether you're quietly seething with rage, you may have
headaches, sleep difficulties, high blood pressure or digestive problems.
There's even some evidence that stress and hostility related to anger can lead
to heart attacks.
If you kick a
stone in anger, you’ll hurt your own foot.
Is all
anger bad?
No.
Anger is healthy when it propels you to action for your safety and promotes
growth. When anger is used to feel powerful, to control and to humiliate just
so you can feel superior, that is neither useful nor satisfying for very long.
Anger is useful if it comes as a signal to alert you that you are being used,
taken advantage of or being given a role that is not your responsibility. It is
especially valuable when you feel you are being manipulated.
Is it ‘bad’ to feel angry?
No, being angry isn't always a bad or negative thing. Being angry
can motivate you to listen to your concerns. It can prevent others from walking
all over you. And it can motivate you to get involved with causes that you care
about.
What can I do when I get angry?
Talking with a sympathetic friend, family
or your doctor about life stresses can help to defuse anger.
Learn relaxation techniques. Slowing down your
breathing, relaxing the entire body muscles one group at a time, and
visualizing a comforting or pleasant scene are the three basics of relaxation.
Time-outs can also be useful. When you feel
yourself getting tense or frustrated, say to the other person, I am beginning
to feel angry and I need a time-out.? Time-outs work best in this way:
* Designate a specific amount of time (15 minutes
to 1 hour).
* Leave the situation (for instance, walk into
another room).
* Calm yourself mentally with deep breathing and
self-statements.
* Do some non aggressive physical exercise such as
walking, jogging, or bicycling.
Return to the situation, only continuing the
discussion if the anger does not return. If the anger returns, take another
time-out. Do not use drinking or drugs as a way to cope during the time-out.
What is a healthy way to feel and deal with
anger?
Feeling healthy anger involves five steps:
1) Feel it without judging it. Admit to yourself
that you are angry and note where in your body you are feeling it (such as a
pounding heart or sweaty palms).
2) Question it. Ask yourself about its true cause
(like hurt feelings or fear).
3) Express it, using I statements and words rather
than by using blaming you statements.
4) Learn to use it to make positive changes in
your life (for example, by changing jobs).
5) Let it go. Concentrate on releasing the anger
and feeling calm again.
While
everyone has different things that can help them to get through stressful
times, there are some things that you can do that will surely cause you to feel
a little better. You can release some of the anger that you are experiencing
simply by taking a couple seconds to take some deep breaths and relax. Cooling
your body down can do a lot when it comes to helping to keep your mind at ease.
Using mental imagery to project your mind elsewhere can help you to come back
to a problem from a more even viewpoint, helping to put things into perspective
with the problem that you are experiencing.
Any
form of physical activity that you enjoy can be helpful in keeping your anger
at bay. Do your best to focus on things in your life besides the problems.
That’s not to say that you should ignore the problems that you face; address
the things that you can change, but don’t let insignificant problems or things
that you cannot change get to you. As stated before, everyone experiences
feelings of anger – it’s what you do with the things that make you angry that
determines how happy you are in your life.
While
many people have argued that letting your feelings out by venting to someone
can help you to relieve your anger, studies have been performed that have
actually shown that it actually causes more problems than it does good. When
you repeat your problems to another person, you are only rehearsing the
problems that you are having and are often not able to find a sufficient
solution. That is not to say that you shouldn’t try to work your problems out by
talking to somebody; it merely states that telling people your problems will
only make you think about them more often. When your anger is at the forefront
of your thoughts, you will be unable to sufficiently live your life happily.